By Kathleen Henneberry
We need to revise how we think about aging. The old paradigm was: you’re born you peak at midlife and then you decline into decrepitude. Looking at aging as ascending a staircase, you gain well-being, spirit, soul, wisdom, the ability to be truly intimate and a life with intention. –Jane Fonda
On two evenings in May, Boston Graduate School of Psychoanalysis offered two workshops designed to explore the challenges of aging. Called Senior Talks, these discussions were led by Marjorie Goodwin, Psya. D., R.N. and Christina Healy, Cert. Psya., R.N., who are both faculty members at BGSP. They have a combined total experience of more than fifty years working with elderly patients and their families. They have dealt with problems such as Alzheimer’s, addictions, depression, dementia and other complicated conditions and situations brought about by entering old age.
The first workshop, entitled Positive Aging: Living the Fulfilled Life and Exploring what makes us Happy focused on the ways we can examine our desires, and define the life we want to have going forward in time. Some audience members shared their recent personal experiences, noting efforts they have made. They described reaching out and joining community groups, attending events, and staying engaged with church, and cultural and family life, yet oft times they still experienced loneliness and continued feelings of isolation.
Dr. Goodwin shared a recent experience in her life when a health emergency and subsequent treatment and concern, while having a positive outcome, clarified for her the importance of friendship, and spending time with people she cares about and enjoys being with. Ms. Healy also told a story about her family, and how she stays connected to loved ones, despite losses and geographical distances. The group was given “homework” in the form of a questionnaire about the different aspects of their lives that might need attention, bring satisfaction, or both; areas such as finance, health, work, interests and hobbies, and new things to learn or experience.
The second workshop was called Work vs. Retirement, the Value of a “Bucket List,” Affection and Intimacy. Having reviewed the assigned topics from the previous week, the group seemed to come together around the idea that “we must figure out both what we want, and how to get it”, in order to have some satisfaction and happiness in the later stages of life. Staying connected to friends, family, co-workers, and meaningful careers, and sexual and intimate relationships; whatever it is we feel helps us to age gracefully, will keep us in touch with the life drive.
The most important thing that keeps people going is connections… to people, to interests, to the world outside. – Hedda Bolgar, Psychoanalyst, age 103